


But I Hold On, I Stay Strong

by Miz636



Category: Glee
Genre: Canon Season 2, Canon Season 3, F/F, Hints of Future Santana & Rachel Friendship, Mentions of Rachel Berry/Finn Hudson, Missing Scene, brittana
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-08
Updated: 2014-09-08
Packaged: 2018-02-16 14:10:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2272713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miz636/pseuds/Miz636
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With a smile on her face, the lyrics she and Brittany had written together running through her mind one final time before leaving her alone, Santana managed to fall asleep, filled with hope for her future with Brittany. Then the music began, and they sang the song they had written together, just as it was supposed to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part I

Santana sat in the corner of the boys' hotel room as she watched the other glee kids attempt to come up with two songs for Nationals. At the rate they were going, they would have the songs done in time for _next year's_ Nationals. Everyone seemed to be waiting for Rachel freaking Berry to come up with another amazing song – not that Santana would ever admit to that aloud. The problem was Santana knew the Midget wouldn't pull through this time. _Get It Right_ was only so successful because the diva had been writing down her feelings for Frankenteen. Writing a good song took emotion behind the words, and Berry couldn't find those emotions, not this time.

Glancing down at the pad in her lap, Santana read what she had written at random moments, mostly when no one was actually watching her.

_Will we ever say the words we're feeling?_   
_Reach down underneath and tear down all the walls_   
_Will we ever have a happy ending?_   
_Or will we forever only be pretending?_   
_We will always, always, always be pretending?_

_How long do I fantasize?_   
_Make believe that it's still alive_   
_Imagine that I am good enough_   
_And we can choose the ones we love_

_But I hold on_

_I stay strong_ _  
_Wondering if we still belong_ _

_Will we ever say the words we're feeling?_   
_Reach down underneath and tear down all the walls_   
_Will we ever have a happy ending?_   
_Or will we forever only be pretending?_   
_Will we always, always, always be_

_Keeping secrets safe_   
_Every move we make_   
_Seems like no one's letting go_   
_And it's such a shame_   
_'Cause if you feel the same_   
_How am I supposed to know?_

The Latina knew she had most of a song right there, and with some tweaking of what had obviously become the chorus, she could finish it off. Maybe she would add a little more to the beginning to give it a real opening. Either way, Santana had a large portion of a song sitting in her lap, yet she couldn't bring herself to tell anyone.

If she showed people this song, they would realize what it meant. Santana wasn't stupid; she knew that most of the club knew she and Brittany had been sleeping together last year. They didn't know how long it had been going on, but they knew it had gone on. Once they saw the lyrics, things would begin clicking into place, and they would realize what she had been unable to show in public for years: she was in love with Brittany.

Brittany would probably claim this was a _good_ thing, and maybe it was, but Santana couldn't see it that way. The idea of them knowing her feelings, of basically _anyone_ knowing her feelings, for the blonde scared her. Glee Club was full of gossips – she should know, having shared gossip herself after hearing about it in the choir room – and she couldn't take the chance of the rest of the school learning about it. It would ruin everything. They weren't on the Cheerios anymore, so they had lost that protection, and Santana didn't even want to think about what would be said behind her back about her. She just couldn't take any of that.

And yet… she believed the words she had written. Despite her fear, despite all of her hesitation, she _wanted_ that with Brittany. She wanted to be together with the girl she loved. Brittany would be worth it; she would _always_ be worth it.

She was just so, _so_ scared. Santana was willing to work for it, to actually _do_ something, but it wasn't going to be easy. It would take her time, and she wasn't even certain if Brittany would give it to her. The pain from Brittany choosing Artie over her still stung, but Santana had come to accept why the blonde had done it, and it even made her love Brittany more. Yes, it hurt to think about, but Santana was hoping that Brittany would choose her this time. She just hoped that Brittany took the words of this song and realized what they meant.

' _'Cause if you feel the same, how am I supposed to know?_ ' she looked at again. That was the key. How was she supposed to know? She knew Brittany loved her, but would the blonde wait for her just a bit longer, give her the time she needed to really accept herself and stop fearing what others thought? Santana just couldn't be sure.

"You all wrote an amazing song last time," Rachel said, and Santana mentally shook herself and paid attention. "I think if we work together, we could come up with something yet again."

"Yeah, but what are we going to write about?" Artie asked.

Artie's voice did something to Santana. She didn't know what it was, but she suddenly had an idea of what to write for a second song. It definitely didn't fit in with the song she already had so far, but it was the perfect beginning for another. With where her mind had just gone and the realization she had come to about her feelings for Brittany, there was no way she could avoid writing something like this, even if she would have to find some way to hide who wrote the song.

Santana glanced around to make sure no one was watching her before flipping a few pages in her notepad. She even knew who had to sing each part of the lines bouncing around in her head. It wasn't hard for her to write down the words that wouldn't leave her alone now that they were in her mind. In fact, she even stopped worrying about the others seeing her and coming over to look. Besides, they would probably think she was just writing down something unrelated to Nationals, given their opinions of her.

 **_Britt and San:_ ** **** _He-he-hey, you and me_

 **_San:_ ** **** _Keep on dancing in the dark_  
 _It's been tearing me apart_  
 _Never knowing what we are_

 **_Britt and San:_ ** **** _He-he-hey, you and me_

 **_San:_ ** **** _Keep on tryin' to play it cool._  
 _Now it's time to make a move_  
 _And that's what I'm gonna do._

 **_Wheels:_ ** **** _Lay it all down (all down)_

 **_Britt:_ ** **** _Got something to say_

 **_Wheels:_ ** **** _Lay it all down (all down)_

 **_Britt:_ ** **** _Throw your doubt away_

 **_Wheels:_ ** **** _Do or die now (die now)_

 **_Britt:_ ** **** _Step on to the plate_

 **_Wheels:_ ** **** _Blow the door wide open like_

 **_Britt and Wheels:_ ** **** _Up, up and away_

Santana could almost hear the three of them singing these lines, and she knew she had gotten them right.

"That's really good, San," Brittany suddenly whispered in her ear, and Santana jumped before looking up at the blonde. "Do you mean what you're going to be singing?" Santana felt her lips twitch into a very hesitant smile before she nodded slightly, embarrassed by the emotion she had put into the lyrics and afraid of Brittany's reaction to them. The response was a bright smile that made Santana smile a bit more. Said smile fell away when the Latina caught sight of the others out of the corner of her eye, even if none of them were looking in their direction.

"Have you written anything else?" Brittany asked, still smiling, even if it wasn't as bright, settling down onto the arm of the chair Santana was sitting in. The dancer rested her arm on the back of the chair so that she could lean over Santana, allowing her to see the notepad with ease. Her other hand was resting on Santana's arm, fingers lightly tracing the tanned skin.

"Uh-huh," Santana said softly, turning back to the other song. "It's not done, but…" Santana shrugged as she trailed off, nervous.

"This is _really_ good, San," Brittany said, leaning her head on top of Santana's once she finished reading the lyrics. "Are you going to show the others?" Santana shook her head slowly, very aware of Brittany's resting on it. "Why not?"

"Because I don't want them to know," Santana admitted, eyes closing in defeat. "Britt, I just _can't_ , not yet. Maybe eventually, but not now."

Before Brittany could say anything in response, Quinn interrupted them, walking over, and Santana closed her notepad so no one could see the song. "S, B, we're all heading back to the other room. It's getting late, and I don't think Mr. Schue will approve of us being in here much longer."

"We're coming," Santana told her with an eye roll, waving her off. The shorter blond rolled her eyes in return but turned to follow the other girls and Kurt from the room. "Come on, Britt, let's get going." Santana lightly nudged Brittany's head off her so she could stand, turning to offer the blonde a hand up. Once Brittany was standing, instead of letting the hand fall, Santana shifted their hands so their pinkies were linked, and she didn't have to look at Brittany's face to know her best friend was smiling at the familiar hold.

Notepad held in her left hand, right hand connected to Brittany's left, Santana led the way from the hotel room, rolling her eyes when Puck shot her a smirk. Soon enough they were in their own room, Quinn having waited at the door so they wouldn't be locked out, glancing at their linked pinkies with a raised eyebrow. Santana just raised an eyebrow at the look before pulling Brittany over to where they were sleeping on one of the folding beds that had been brought into the bedroom. Everyone knew without asking that the two of them would be willing to share a bed, so no one even batted an eyelash when they settled down onto it together.

Brittany shifted so she could lean her head on Santana's shoulder, and the pair watched as the others got themselves ready for bed. Rachel wouldn't shut up, Mercedes was talking right back at her, Kurt was doing a whole bunch of facial preparations, Lauren and Tina changed with ease, and Quinn was also watching the chaos. Eventually, though, Brittany reached over to the notepad Santana had set down on the bed next to her, claiming the notepad and pencil for herself.

"Are you going to finish these?" Brittany asked quietly, flipping through to look at the songs again before finding a blank page toward the back of the pad and doodling.

"If I can think of lyrics, I guess," Santana said, shrugging her left shoulder. Brittany flipped back to the first song, pretending to be doodling on that page so no one realized she was actually reading the song.

" _Face to face and heart to heart, we're so close yet so far apart,_ " Brittany sang softly.

" _I close my eyes, I look away; that's just because I'm not OK_ ," Santana sang in reply, turning to look at Brittany. She knew that the blonde had looked at the lyrics and sang what they made her think, just as she had listened to Brittany and responded without even thinking about it. " _But I hold on, I stay strong, wondering if we still belong_."

Santana watched as Brittany wrote down the lines they had just sung, putting a bracket around the left side of them and drawing an arrow to the very beginning of the song.

"Is this how you really feel, Sanny?" Brittany asked, her voice sad. "Because it's sad, and I don't like sad, but I feel like this too, sometimes."

"Yeah, Britt, it's how I feel," Santana sighed. "I know it's mostly my fault, but I sometimes don't know what we are anymore. I've been confused for a long time, and this year… it's been even more confusing than before."

"Is it because I asked you about feelings?" Brittany asked, her voice still sad, and Santana couldn't stop herself from leaning her head on top of Brittany's on her right shoulder.

"Yeah, B, but I needed you to ask me that. If you hadn't asked me that, I might not have admitted to myself that…" Santana paused for a moment to check that no one was watching, and finding the room still in total chaos, she felt brave enough to finish, "I love you."

"But you're still scared," Brittany said. Santana couldn't deny it and didn't even attempt to. "This song…" Brittany flipped the pages to the other song. "Do you really mean it? Are you going to actually make a move?"

"I'm going to try to stop being so scared. I can't promise it will happen quickly, or that it will be easy, but I want to try. You're worth it, Brittany, but it's so _hard_." Santana's voice was soft and sad, but she kept her face as blank as possible so that anyone looking wouldn't be able to realize how vulnerable she was at this moment. It was for Brittany and Brittany alone to know.

"I'll help you, Sanny," Brittany promised. "As long as you really try, I'll help you." The Latina's lips moved into a slight smile that couldn't be seen from a distance, and she wrapped her right arm around Brittany, squeezing a little. Brittany's arm wrapped around her waist in response, and they sat in silence, just watching the others without really focusing on it, more focused on the feel of the other _right there_ , knowing the songs could wait a little bit longer.

…

Long after everyone else in the room was asleep, Santana lay awake, unable to fall asleep. The lyrics she and Brittany had been working on earlier were spinning around in her mind, and she couldn't manage to stop them long enough to sleep. At this rate, the only way she would stop the songs in her head would be to finish them.

With a quiet sigh, Santana gently slid Brittany's arm off of her waist, where it had gravitated to once the blonde had fallen asleep, like so many times before. Once free of Brittany's hold, the Latina slipped out of the bed, checking that she hadn't woken her best friend, before grabbing her notepad and pencil. She ended up opening the balcony door and closing it quietly behind her, leaning against the railing of the tiny balcony their hotel room had, gazing out at New York sprawled out before her.

The door opened behind her, but Santana didn't even turn. She knew who it would be without looking. Who else would be willing to follow her out here?

"I tried not to wake you," she said as Brittany stepped up beside her and joined her in gazing out at the city.

"It would have worked if I had actually been asleep," Brittany replied, surprising Santana, who had been certain the blonde had been out. "I was waiting for you to work on the songs again."

Santana couldn't help her involuntary smile as she shook her head at that. "You always have known me better than I know myself." She finally turned to look at Brittany and found blue eyes staring at her, a smile on the other girl's face.

Returning the smile, Santana turned her gaze to the notepad in her hands, opening it to the first song she had written. With the lights from the city and a small light on the wall of the hotel, she could read what was written, and she quickly read through the lyrics.

"I think this song is basically done," she said softly, knowing Brittany was reading with her. "Just tweak the chorus, and it can become the end."

"Mm-hmm," Brittany hummed, nodding. She moved closer to Santana, resting her chin on the Latina's shoulder while looking down at the notepad. Her arms wrapped around Santana from behind, and the smaller girl couldn't help but lean back into the embrace while turning to the next song.

Before Santana could read what she had already written, however, Brittany spoke. "Isn't the city beautiful? It's like the whole world is lit up, just for us." Santana looked out at New York City once again, attempting to see it as Brittany did, and it awed her.

"It's gorgeous," she breathed.

"Sometimes I wish the whole world could be lit," Brittany said. "It's so hard to see the stars here, but the lights are lighting up the world in their place." Santana knew without turning that Brittany was smiling.

"You make my world brighter," Santana admitted softly, somewhat relieved she wasn't looking at Brittany as she said it. "You and your love."

"I love you," Brittany whispered directly into Santana's ear. Then the blonde reached out with her right hand to claim the pencil Santana still held. Putting pressure on the notepad, she had Santana hold it steady for her while she began writing more lyrics to the second song.

_Let's light up the world toni-i-ight_   
_You gotta give up the bark and bi-i-ite_   
_I know that we got the love alri-i-ight_   
_Come on and li-li-light it up_   
_Light it up tonight_

_Let's light up the world toni-i-ight_   
_You gotta give up the bark and bi-i-ite_   
_I know that we got the love alri-i-ight_   
_Come on and li-li-light it up_   
_Light it up tonight_

_He-he-hey you and me_

_Turn it up ten thousand watts_   
_Tell me why we've gotta stop_   
_I just want to let it rock_

_He-he-hey you and me_

_Keep on staring at the road_   
_Like we don't know where to go_   
_Step back, let me take control_

Santana smiled at the lyrics. Of course Brittany would take their conversation and turn it into awesome lyrics, then send Santana a message about her fears that they had been talking about earlier that evening. Maybe, if Santana kept to her part and really tried her best, and Brittany kept to her part and showed her the way, just maybe they could actually make it past all of this.

"That's perfect, Britt," Santana said, "and if we make the light up the world part the chorus, we can just play with it and make it into the rest of the song. Maybe repeat the lines I wrote for you and Wheels, and we have another song…"

"We're just awesome like that, Sanny," Brittany said, giving Santana back the pencil and pressing a quick kiss to the side of her head. "If we use these during Nationals, we're going to win!"

Smiling and getting an idea, Santana said, "We should go use the computers downstairs to type these up. I agree we should use them for Nationals, but… I still don't want anyone to know who wrote them. I'm sorry, Britt, but it's too soon."

"It's okay, San," Brittany said soothingly, her thumb moving against Santana's stomach. "We both know who wrote them and what they mean, right? Who cares what the others think. This is for us."

"Thank you," Santana said, turning in Brittany's arms to look her in the eyes before kissing her softly. "I love you."

Smiling, Brittany pressed another kiss to Santana's lips. "I love you, proudly so."

Before they could get carried away kissing, because Santana knew they had done it so many times before, she reluctantly pulled out of Brittany's arms and went back into the room to find better clothes for in the lobby as well as shoes.

Once they were both ready, Santana grabbed a key for each of the rooms, and they slipped out of the room silently. The ride in the elevator and the walk to the computer lab were silent, and even as they typed up the songs, neither said anything. It was only as they tweaked the choruses to finish off the songs and began choosing who would sing what in the song they had eventually titled 'Light Up the World' that they whispered back and forth.

After they printed a large number of copies of 'Light Up the World,' Brittany had to ask Santana, "What are we doing with 'Pretending,' San?"

"It's a duet, and I'm just not ready for us to sing it together, Britt…" Santana sighed, closing her eyes in frustration. "I have an idea. I don't really like the idea, but it's the best we have."

Santana didn't even leave Brittany time to ask her about her idea before she had opened another Word document and began to type. It didn't take her long to write what she wanted to, and when it was done, she knew Brittany understood her idea.

_Finn,_

_This a song for Nationals, and you'll know once you read the lyrics that it's a good one. I'm giving you the chance to claim this as a song you wrote for Rachel, and I promise I'll never tell her that you didn't write it if you don't. No one will hear about the real origins of this song from me, and I won't even tell you who wrote it. Pretend you wrote it and sing it amazingly so that we can win Nationals, and we'll call it even._

Santana left it completely unsigned, and after looking at Brittany to receive a slow, sad nod, she printed it along with about seven copies of 'Pretending.' She stood to retrieve all of their print outs, which they had managed to format so each copy of each song only needed one page. Hopefully the musicians would be able to come up with good music to go with the lyrics – something slow for 'Pretending' and something fast and catchy for 'Light Up the World.' She suspected they would, knowing how good they were.

"I wish we could sing 'Pretending,'" Brittany said when Santana sat back down at the computer to email herself the songs so the two of them could always keep a copy of them.

"I'm sorry, Britt," Santana whispered, shutting down the computer, unable to look at her best friend.

"Oh, Sanny, I don't blame you," Brittany said, pulling Santana into a hug. "I just wish Finn didn't have to sing it."

"Me too, but it's the best option," Santana sighed, sinking into the hug. They stayed like that for a minute or two before Santana, yet again, pulled away. "Come on, we need to leave these for the rest, and then I need sleep."

When they stood, Santana holding the papers, the Latina held out her pinky. Brittany wrapped her own pinky around it with a smile. Pinkies intertwined, they returned to the rooms, where they finally let go so Santana could quietly open the boys' door and have Brittany hold it open while she slipped inside. She left all the copies of 'Pretending' under the note inside Finn's stuff, then left about half the pile of 'Light Up the World' right inside the door, before silently closing the door behind her. Slipping back into their room, the girls easily left the rest of the lyrics on the floor by the door before changing back into what they had been wearing before.

Before getting into the bed, Santana glanced around the room and almost had a heart attack when she realized Quinn's eyes were open, reflecting the moonlight and staring right at her and Brittany. Then Quinn nodded, smiled a little, and closed her eyes. Santana knew then that Quinn would never tell a soul about what she had seen tonight, and it made her miss what she and Brittany and Quinn had once had. However, there would be time to think about that later, after she had slept.

Brittany was already in the bed, holding up the blankets for her, and Santana gladly joined the dancer under them. They laid with their faces only inches apart on one of the pillows, and it only took moments for Brittany to wrap her arm around Santana again. Santana moved slightly closer to Brittany and placed her left hand on Brittany's side. Both smiled, and Brittany leaned forward to lightly kiss Santana, closing her eyes as she pulled away.

"Goodnight, Sanny. I love you, and I'm so yours, proudly so," she whispered, tightening her arm momentarily.

"'Night, Britt-Britt; I love you," Santana said softly, her hand squeezing the blonde's side.

It only took moments for Brittany to fall asleep after that, and Santana watched her sleep. She was still awed at how easily Brittany had both inspired those two songs and helped her complete them today. Neither would have been written without this blond in front of her, and it just amazed Santana how brilliant her best friend and love was. Those two songs were perfect, and it pained her to admit she was too scared to sing them in front of others, even for Brittany, but the blonde just accepted it with a smile. She didn't deserve Brittany.

Still, she would take what she could get from the blonde lying in this bed with her, because Santana loved her dearly.

"You're amazing, Britt," Santana breathed, leaning forward to kiss Brittany on the forehead, feeling bold in the darkness.

With a smile on her face, the lyrics she and Brittany had written together running through her mind one final time before leaving her alone, Santana managed to fall asleep, filled with hope for her future with Brittany.


	2. Part II

Rachel was startled when, only a couple of weeks after Sectionals and the return of the TroubleTones, Santana suddenly appeared next to her locker. The Latina hadn't made a noise, so when Rachel closed the door of her locker, she actually jumped at seeing Santana standing there, leaning against the locker beside hers.

"Santana," she gasped. "I didn't notice you come up beside me."

"Whatever," Santana said with a shrug, standing upright again. "Look, I'm here because I figured I should tell you this so you don't get angry and throw a tantrum during glee. Britt doesn't know it yet, but we're singing a duet together later this week."

"You are?" Rachel interrupted. "This will be your first duet during glee as a couple! Oh, what are you going to be singing? I'm certain I can help you both with your vocals and –" Santana held up a hand with a fierce look on her face that Rachel knew meant she should be quiet now or she would regret it.

"Stop it right there, Midget," she said. "I did _not_ come here for help or advice or anything of that sort. I'm here, like I said, so you won't throw a tantrum when you realize what song we're singing, and so you can keep Finnocence from doing the same."

Rachel couldn't understand what song the two girls could sing that would draw such a reaction from both her and Finn, and now she really wished to know. "Santana, what song do you plan on singing that could draw such a reaction from Finn and myself?"

"We're going to be singing _Pretending_ ," Santana said simply, though she wasn't looking at Rachel as she said it; in fact, the diva suspected Santana was looking _through_ her and remembering something else.

Then the song choice hit Rachel, and she began to understand why Santana was here. This was a duet written by Finn for the two of them. Had she not been forewarned by Santana that she and Brittany would be singing it, she would have halted the song in the middle by yelling and complaining that it was _her and Finn's song_ , most likely. With this warning, however, she would be able to come to accept the fact and calm Finn when he realized what song was being sung.

Thinking about the lyrics, which had fit her and Finn so well last year, Rachel could even see why Santana wanted them to sing the song. While Rachel could not claim to have realized everything going on between the pair last year, or to have known exactly why they had been having so many troubles, after everything that had recently happened, she felt she had at least somewhat gathered what the situation was. Those lyrics, speaking of being uncertain about feelings in a relationship and having a hard time about it, fit their lives last year almost perfectly. In fact, if Finn hadn't written the song, she would have suspected it was actually _about_ Brittany and Santana.

To top things off, the ranges used in the song were quite reasonable for the pair to both reach, if Santana did the higher notes. Yes, it would sound different, especially if only the two girls sang it, but they could do the song justice, and who was Rachel to deny them the chance to sing a song that fit them so well?

"Well, Santana, while I am startled you wish to sing that specific song, I do believe it fits, and you have my permission to sing it," she said. It startled her when Santana suddenly snapped out of whatever mood she had been in to glare at her. Though the glare was nowhere near where it had once been; Santana hadn't been glaring as often lately, not since she had recovered from being outed.

"Listen, Hobbit, I did _not_ come here to ask for your _permission_ to sing the song," Santana stated, moving a step closer to her. "I only wanted to stop your diva tantrum before it happened. My coming here was to inform you that Brittany and I _would_ be singing that song, no matter what you felt about it. Comprende?"

Rachel found herself nodding, realizing she had gone outside her boundaries when she attempted to make it seem like Santana actually needed her permission to sing _Pretending_ with her girlfriend. She hadn't actually meant it to sound like that, but she realized that it had.

Santana turned to leave, but Rachel didn't want this to end on that note, so she quickly said, "Santana." The Latina turned enough to see Rachel, and the diva smiled a little hesitantly at her. "I really do think you'll both be amazing at it. I can't wait to hear you sing it during glee."

Santana's face softened, and while she didn't smile, she did nod in acknowledgement – and perhaps a little gratitude – before she continued down the hallway.

It made Rachel feel like she had said the right thing to Santana for once.

…

"Britt?" Santana said softly as she lay in her bed cuddling with said blonde. Brittany was behind her, arms wrapped around her torso, and Brittany was placing light kisses on her neck.

"Mm?" Brittany hummed, and Santana knew she was listening.

"What would you say if I told you I have a duet I want us to sing during glee later this week?" Brittany stopped kissing her neck, and Santana became afraid that she had done something wrong.

"You want to sing a duet with me?" Brittany asked, a little breathless in what Santana recognized as shock and awe and happiness all mixed together, and Santana realized that her girlfriend had just be startled by the question, not expecting it. If her tone said anything about her response, Santana had a duet partner for later that week in glee.

"Of course I do, Britt-Britt," Santana said, turning in Brittany's arms to face her, their faces only inches apart. "I've always _wanted_ to, but I've just been scared. But now, what's there to be afraid of? We're together, in love, and out; everyone already knows about us."

Brittany kissed her deeply, then. Santana felt arms tighten around her as she let herself go into the kiss, unable to think about anything except Brittany – her lips on hers, her arms tight around her, her scent everywhere. All she could think about was Brittany.

Then Brittany pulled out of the kiss, and they were both left breathless, attempting to regain their breath as Santana found her ability to think again. And maybe that wasn't a very good thing, because thinking meant a chance to be worried about how Brittany would react to her song choice. She knew it had been a long time in coming, and she still felt ashamed and even a bit guilty that she had been unable to sing it with Brittany last spring, because this should have happened _then_ , not now, months after it had passed. Still, she was ready, and she wanted to sing it with her.

"Britt, I want to sing _Pretending_ with you," she whispered, staring in Brittany's amazing, blue eyes as she said it. She needed to see Brittany's true reaction.

Brittany went through shock, surprise, hope, happiness, pride, and finally love before leaning down to kiss Santana again. When she pulled away, both again breathless, she pressed her forehead to Santana's and whispered, "I love you. Thank you. Of course I'll sing it with you. I love you so much. Proudly so," between breaths.

And Santana could only smile, because she had made Brittany _so_ happy just by doing something they had both wanted to do months before but she hadn't been ready for. Well, now it was finally time to sing the song they had written together.

…

Brittany stood next to Santana on Thursday during lunch as her girlfriend prepared to talk to the band in the choir room. The Latina had requested they meet there right at the beginning of lunch because everyone currently in the room knew the others would only come after they had eaten something in the cafeteria. This allowed them to talk without anyone overhearing.

"Look, I know this is a little short notice, but Britt and I are going to be singing tomorrow, and we were hoping you could be ready by then," Santana said. Brittany was so proud of Santana, whose mask was mostly gone as she did this; she was actually being nice right now. "I have the music here, but I think you'll recognize it, since I know it was you guys who sent it to Hudson last spring."

Santana and Brittany passed out the music to the guitarist and the drummer and Brad the pianist, and Brittany saw the band smile as they realized what it was while looking over the guitarist's shoulder at the music. Then Brittany was startled as they all shared a look before smiling at the pair of them. Brittany could tell right away that this group knew who had actually written _Pretending_. She just hoped Santana didn't take it badly…

"So you're finally going to sing your song?" John, the lead guitarist, asked.

"What?" Santana asked, shocked.

"Please," John said with a laugh and a hand wave. "Finn does _okay_ as the lead male of the group, but as a songwriter? He was barely able to help the group write _Loser Like Me_ , let alone write an entire song on his own. Once that became obvious, we looked at the rest of the group. Rachel would have claimed the song as her own instantly, same with at least half the club. Then we looked at the actual lyrics and realized they fit the two of you perfectly. Plus, Lopez, we _all_ know you have real talent as a dancer and singer and musician; it wasn't a huge stretch for you to be a songwriter."

Brittany could tell Santana was in shock, and she couldn't exactly blame her. These people, usually overlooked by most of the club – though Brittany, and Santana by extension, tried to show their appreciation, mostly when the rest of the club wasn't looking – had figured out what no one else except perhaps Quinn had. It was a surprise.

"And Brittany," Lily, another band member, added, "we know you'd be able to work with Santana here to do anything. It was a bit obvious, once we looked at the songs closely, to see where each of you wrote what parts of _both_ songs from Nationals. Nicely done, by the way, hiding it from the others."

While she was still obviously shocked, Brittany could tell Santana was beginning to feel pride in what they had written together. In fact, the words of the band members were helping Santana. For so long, she had been at least partially ignored by most of the glee club for her singing and talent. They had never even asked what Santana could do musically! Only Quinn knew that Santana could rap, and no one else but Brittany knew that the Latina played piano and guitar; well, except for the band, but that wasn't the same thing.

Now, though, the band was revealing they had paid attention and noticed all of it about Santana, and it made Santana feel good about herself in a way she had never really had the chance to before, at least not from her peers.

Before either girl could say anything, John picked up his guitar and said, "We have a few minutes before any of the other glee kids come in. Can we hear this sung by the pair who actually wrote it, maybe?"

Brittany smiled and glanced down at Santana, who was looking up at her with a tiny smile of her own. Instantly, Brittany knew her girlfriend was up for it, so she shot John and Brad a grin and a thumbs up to tell them they were up for it. The other band members moved to sit in the seats the glee kids usually sat in, while she and Santana moved to the middle of the room.

Then the music began, and they sang the song they had written together, just as it was supposed to be.

…

Quinn had noticed all week that something was up with her best friends. First Santana had actually spoken to Rachel Berry on Monday, then Brittany was even happier than usual, and finally, she had caught them leaving the choir room during lunch yesterday with smiles on their faces, the band all chatting happily in the room. All of this added up to the pair preparing to sing a song together during glee, and she suspected it would be today, since it was Friday.

Brittany and Santana hadn't shown up yet, but Rachel was sat in front of Quinn, so she decided to lean forward so that she could whisper to the diva, curious about what she knew.

"Do you think Brittany and Santana are going to sing whatever they've been planning today?" she asked, and Rachel jumped before spinning around to face her, obviously startled.

"Quinn, you startled me," Rachel said, before shaking her head. "And I hope that they both do sing the song today, because Santana told me it would be sometime this week, which means it has to be today unless she backed out and decided not to even ask Brittany to sing it with her, in which case –"

"Rachel, I know for a fact that S asked B to sing it with her," Quinn said to cut off the rant. "With how they've been acting all week, they have a song in the works."

Rachel smiled when she heard that, and Quinn realized Santana must have told her what song it would be, and Rachel was excited to hear it, even if she wasn't singing it this time. That really made Quinn want to know what her friends would be singing.

"That is fantastic news," Rachel stated, but before she could continue, the girls in question entered the room hand-in-hand. Quinn met Rachel's eyes, and they actually came to a silent agreement.

Rachel turned around to face the front, and Quinn sat upright, watching her friends. They sat down next to one another in the back right corner of the group. Santana then rested her head on Brittany's shoulder and began to whisper to her, Brittany smiling and nodding and whispering back. At one point, they shared looks with the lead guitarist of the band, who nodded at them, before returning to their conversation.

Finally, Mr. Schuester made his appearance and began to talk about Regionals and how they were doing amazingly at working as a team and that they needed to continue doing that. Before he could ask for anyone who wanted to present a song or idea of anything of the sort, Santana spoke up.

"Mr. Schue," she called, and everyone turned to face her and Brittany. They were holding hands but sitting upright. "Britt and I actually have something we want to sing."

Quinn could tell Mr. Schue and most of the club were surprised, but he recovered quickly and said, with a smile, "Well, then, girls, the stage is yours." He waved them forward and took a seat himself.

Once both of the cheerleaders were standing in front of the group, Santana shared a look with Brittany before letting out a deep breath. "This is actually a song we've wanted to sing for a while, now, but…" Quinn could just barely see Santana squeeze Brittany's hand. "Well, I wasn't ready to at the time. I am now, though, so this is for Britt." Santana shot her girlfriend a smile, and Brittany grinned in response.

When the piano began and Brittany sang, " _Face to face and heart to heart, we're so close yet so far apart_ ," Quinn understood what was going on.

She was the only person to know who _really_ wrote this song. Yes, Finn claimed it was him, but Quinn could see Brittany and Santana in every single word written. This was what she had watched them write together in a hotel room in New York back in May; well, part of what they had written, since she also knew they had written _Light Up the World_ as well. However, she had also recognized why Finn was given credit for the song, and Santana herself had said it: Santana hadn't been ready to sing this type of song at the time.

Now, though, the song was finally being sung by its writers, and it made Quinn settle back in her chair, arms crossed over her chest, a proud smile on her face as she watched her best friends.

" _I close my eyes, I look away; that's just because I'm not okay_ ," Santana sang. " _But I hold on, I stay strong, wondering if we still belong_."

Oh, those words fit how Santana had been back then perfectly. Quinn remembered easily how scared Santana had been, how she had pushed Brittany away, yet she couldn't stay away from the dancer. The pair had been drawn to one another like moths to flame, pulling away and coming closer together.

" _Will we ever say the words we're feeling, reach down underneath and tear down all the walls? Will we ever have a happy ending? Or will we forever only be pretending? Will we always, always, always be pretending?_ " they sang together. Quinn suddenly noticed Rachel had her arm around Finn's, whispering quietly in his ear as he stared at the couple in disbelief. It suddenly hit her that Finn had most likely not expected this song, and if he had no idea who wrote it, then perhaps he was suddenly realizing it.

" _How long do I fantasize, make believe that it's still alive, imagine that I am good enough, and we can choose the ones we love?_ " Brittany sang alone, and again, Quinn thought it fit her perfectly. She had been the one waiting so long for Santana to come around, to realize how in love they both were. The waiting had been her for the majority of their relationship before they were together.

" _But I hold on, I stay strong, wondering if we still belong,_ " Santana continued.

" _Will we ever say the words we're feeling, reach down underneath and tear down all the walls? Will we ever have a happy ending, or will we forever only be pretending? Will we always, always, always be_ ," they sang again together. By they point, they had turned to face one another and almost seemed to forget everyone else was in the room, but Quinn wasn't surprised. This song had been written by them, and they were singing it to each other; of course everyone else would mean nothing.

" _Keeping secrets safe, every move we make, seems like no one's letting go_ ," Brittany sang.

" _And it's such a shame, 'cause if you feel the same, how am I supposed to know_?" Santana sang.

At this point, Quinn felt the pair should be reminded that everyone else was here, and she also wanted to show her support for her best friends. She knew that at least Santana knew she had been awake and had figured out the true songwriter of both songs last spring, so Brittany likely knew as well. If she joined in, they would understand it was her way of showing her love and pride and happiness for them and what Santana had finally managed to do.

" _Will we ever say the words we're feeling_?" Quinn joined in with Santana and Brittany. They both turned along with everyone else to see her smiling at them, and they returned it. Brittany wrapped her arm around Santana's waist, and the Latina did the same in return, as they sang with their best friend.

" _Reach down underneath and tear down all the walls? Will we ever have a happy ending_?"

Then Quinn heard Mercedes and Rachel join in, followed one-by-one by the rest of the club, until everyone sang the final line of the song together.

" _Or will we forever only be pretending? Will we always, always, always be pretending? Will we always, always, always be pretending? Will we always, always, always be pretending_?"

After the song finished, everyone began to clap and cheer for the couple.

"Well _done_ , you two!" Mr. Schue called as he stood up. "I think I speak for everyone when I say I didn't expect to hear that song from you both, but you did an amazing job with it."

"Actually, Mr. Schue, I think they did even better than Rachel and me," Finn said, and Quinn's head flashed to face him, just like she knew everyone else's did. He, however, was staring at the two cheerleaders. "It was you, wasn't it?" Quinn looked at her best friends to see they were shocked but nodding slowly.

"I can't keep living with the lie, not after hearing that," Finn sighed, shaking his head. "I'm so sorry for lying, guys," he said to the club, turning to look at all of them before facing Santana and Brittany again, "but I sort of figured the reason for the secrecy was you were too afraid for anyone to know, so I lied."

Quinn realized he was talking to the couple in front, and she realized then that Finn had accepted ownership of _Pretending_ both to attempt to regain Rachel and because he had realized the writer didn't want anyone to know. His lie was both selfish and an attempt to do the right thing for a scared teammate. And she suspected Santana and Brittany had also figured this out, because Santana nodded slowly at him, as if giving him permission to tell.

"Guys, Rachel, I didn't actually write _Pretending_ ," he said slowly. "I woke up to find it and a note in my suitcase the same day we found _Light Up the World_."

"Finn, why did you lie?" Rachel asked, pulling away from him.

"Because the note told me to say I wrote it, and I realized whoever wrote it was scared," he admitted, looking up to meet Santana's gaze, and Quinn saw her nod again. " _Santana_ was scared."

As one, most of the club gasped and turned to face the couple again. Santana, however, didn't even flinch; the only reaction Quinn saw from her was a squeeze of Brittany's hand.

"Santana, is it true?" Mr. Schue asked, and Santana gulped.

"Yeah, Britt and I wrote both songs for Nationals," she sighed.

"Why didn't you _tell_ us, girl?" Mercedes demanded.

"Think about the lyrics," Quinn said in defense of her friends, and every turned to face her. "Remember, this was last spring, before Britt and San were officially dating and out. I'm sorry about this, S, but I think we all knew by that point that _something_ was going on between them, even if not everyone knew what. San wasn't ready to be out yet, and both songs basically screamed out her love for Britt. Brittany helped her write them, but a large part of the songs was Santana's feelings for Brittany, which she was nowhere near ready to tell people about yet. Am I right, San, Britt?"

"Yeah, she's right," Santana said softly, and Quinn could see the glee club soften as they began to realize the reasoning behind everything that happened with these songs back in New York.

"But San was finally ready to sing this with me, so we did," Brittany announced with a grin, and just like that, the mood broke, and the club began to smile at Brittany's happiness.

"You did the right thing, Finn," Quinn heard Rachel say quietly in front of her, and she saw the brunette smiling up at her boyfriend. "Even though you lied, it was for a good reason."

"Well, then, Santana, Brittany, thank you both for those amazing songs we sang at Nationals, and thank you for singing _Pretending_ for us!" Mr. Schue said with a smile. Santana nodded while Brittany smiled and pulled her toward their seats again. "Now, does anyone else have anything they would like to sing today?"

Quinn tuned him out as she turned to face her best friends. Brittany was whispering in Santana's ear, and the Latina was smiling gently, nodding a little at what was being said. Then she turned and kissed Brittany quickly on the lips before resting her head on the dancer's shoulder.

Brittany caught Quinn's eye then, and the taller blonde brought Santana's attention to her. Once she knew both were paying attention, Quinn mouthed to them, 'I'm proud of you both; that was amazing. Love you. Talk after glee?' Both of them smiled and nodded, and Quinn smiled at them. Finally, all three turned their attention back to the front.

Quinn couldn't wait to actually tell them how proud she was, because that really had been amazing, and they deserved to hear it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this two-shot as two separate pieces, months apart, to become part of the multi-chapter story I have in the works, so they'll be seen again, but I thought I'd post them as a two-shot to get them out there. I hope you enjoyed my take on the real writers of these songs (at least in my head).
> 
> It was posted on FanFiction.net months ago, and I'm the original author. So if you've seen it before, that's why.


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